Week one

New beginnings

I have never liked New Year resolutions, perhaps because experience tells me that inherent in the apparent resolve lies the seed of the inevitable failure. In the past there have been  decisions to improve diet, to becoming fitter, to embark on a couch to 5K programme which I am convinced didn’t do my hip any good and other assorted aims often to do with being more organised in various ways. Yet, by the end of the month, if not sooner, I have usually reverted to the old pattern. However, one of the hidden joys of getting older is the realisation that I don’t have to do this. Yes I weigh a bit more than I should according to various expert graphs and charts, yes, I drink a little more alcohol than I should, according to my GP and yes my blood pressure is slightly higher than it should be but seems to be reasonably controlled with my daily 10mg of amlodipine. But overall I’m okay. I eat a reasonable diet, dictated largely by what my body feels like eating, get out for some kind of walk on most days and generally enjoy the life that I have.

Nonetheless January does seem to invite some kind of reappraisal of your life and this year, 2021, is perhaps unique in that we begin it by being  locked down at home due to the pandemic. People seem to need to add a caveat to their ‘Happy New Year’ as they realise that  the idea that it couldn’t  possibly be worse than 2020 may be 'fake news'. It looks as if things are going to get much worse before they begin to get better.

But I have experience of things getting worse before they get better. In June 2018 my husband of over 40 years was diagnosed with a brain tumour and he died just one year later. For me 2018 and 2019 were worse than 2020. The experience of coping with all the uncertainties of cancer treatment and then witnessing someone you love gradually decline is so very painful. The end is both dreaded and longed for and does, of course, eventually arrive.  Yet after the darkness and the pain some light seems to break through. There is a new opportunity to be somebody slightly different. I had planned to travel, to go to theatre and concerts, to meet with old friends and to make new ones. Yet all that came to an end in March 2020 and I was forced not to run away from being alone but to dive into it. Many others will have found themselves on the same path. But it’s not all bad and there are sometimes hidden surprises.

When my husband was ill I kept a journal recording experiences and feelings. I found the process helpful and therapeutic and I enjoyed writing. One or two friends have said they enjoy reading what I have written and one suggested I do a blog! So here I am. Not a New Year resolution as such, but rather an intention to share this year with anyone who cares to join me. The idea is to write weekly with each week having a different theme based on what is going on in the world and what is going on in my life. 

The aim isn’t to show you how you can improve yourself, to sell you any kind of product or to make money. The aim is to freely share thoughts and experiences in the hope that sharing might just help somebody else. Do join me as we embark together on 2021.